Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky

Right so it's been a while since I last posted. We have some progress.

The little white pills are helping - I am no longer on the top of the roof. I am still aware of how to get up there, and have the key for the door to the stairs. But the key is firmly in my pocket and I have not been tempted to use it in a wee while (the metaphor is getting weird but I'm running with it still).

I have been going to gigs and generally getting out and enjoying myself - Yay!! Macklemore, and Qotsa/NIN, and Tami Nielson this weekend.

Last week I went up to Auckland and almost loved it. I know that people said it at the time, and I know in my brain that they were right, but now I also know it in my heart. And that is that the main reason behind why I hated Auckland when I last lived up there was because I was generally miserable with life. I was depressed but not doing anything about it other than burying my head in the sand. Admittedly, this time I had lots to do and got to catch up and hang out with some of my favourite people in the world which definitely helped. But it is quite lovely. And it was summertime - I miss the sun! Not at the point of wanting to live there again just yet (although I was told about a vet nursing job that would be awesome), but it's no longer ruled out, and I cant wait to go back up there in May.

I have broken the two year drought - with a casual situation rather than a relationship. Which I think is ideal at this stage. I am still working on getting happy with myself, and that learning to love myself business, and other people will just mess me up. But I am getting there.

I am eating better, and moving a little bit more. If I want junk food I try my best friends trick of thinking how fun it will be to show other people how hot and awesome I am, and then I don't want junk anymore. Well, I do but I choose not to because revenge is sweeter.

Generally, apart from having my down moments, or feeling unbearably lonely on the weekend as I was coming down from my lovely week away, I am doing pretty good.