A friend shared with me this blog the other day, that I really related to. I have got to a point where I enjoy being single - I don't have to answer to anyone or worry about what anyone else does or doesn't want to do, or how to best fit in with their plans. But it can also be cripplingly lonely. I have been single for about 2 years now. In that time there has been one person that I slept with, and it was fairly awful....
I miss having someone to spoon and snuggle with in bed while listening to the rain outside. I miss having someone to share small details with, or to do things with. I am at that point where pretty much (almost) everyone else in my life has someone. And while sometimes it is almost a blessing because I hear their tales of drama and woe and count myself lucky that I don't have to put up with anyone else's baggage but my own, it does have it's sucky moments.
So the blog post struck a chord with me, especially at this time of year. And you DO feel like a bit of a loser for even caring that you're single. But I can stay in bed all day if I want. I don't have to share Christmas between two families, or any of that nonsense.
I went for a walk on the beach today, and while it was the moment of clarity or insight that the writer experienced, it does make me feel a bit more grounded. It clears the cobwebs away from my tiny little mind. I love the ocean. For me it has always been that calming influence, or that thing that speaks to me and makes me feel like I have a place in the world where I belong. And there was that moment where I felt like it would be nice to be taking that walk with someone special, but it was nice to have a moment all to myself and my thoughts, no matter how crazy they might be.
In other news - boys ARE the devil. And I need to stop letting them have so much power over my thoughts and feelings, and letting them determine how I feel about myself. It was a 'he's just not that into you' moment last night which made me teary, and then gave me just a little bit more resolve in this journey to learning how freaking awesome I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment