Well well. A wee bit has changed lately. Despite my absolute lack of confidence, I managed to score the job I was talking about in my last post. I have 2 weeks left of my current shitty job, a week off to prepare and panic, and then I get to be a vet nurse again. And back at Massey in the Vet Hospital where it all began, just as a staff member instead of a student this time. I am excited but nervousness is the primary emotion still at this stage!
Despite some of the staff remembering me, I can essentially reinvent myself to who I want to be. 3 weeks to form some healthy habits and prepare for a new life, as it were.
It was Jeremy's 11th anniversary this week. I thought I was feeling better about it. Actually, I know I am overall. I am much better these days at remembering him with more smiles than tears. That said, it hit me like a punch to the face on Thursday. I was grumpy as hell, and just overwhelmingly off all day. But it was better than the previous years. And he sent me a fantail to brighten my day on Friday.
I've also been to a yoga class (which reminded me how much I enjoy yoga, even though this was not really the right class for me), and a meditation class. Reminding myself to breathe and be more aware of myself is definitely good for my soul.
I am still having my down moments but overall feeling happier. Now I just need to stop letting other people have so much emphasis on how I feel about myself and remind myself that I am awesome and people should want to spend time with me. Its their loss if they don't and I should try not to take it so personally.
