I am having a confidence crisis. In almost areas of my life.
I eat well for a few days or a week, and then I am convinced
that I will fail, or that it won’t make any difference in my life even if I did
succeed, and I give up and go back to bad habits.
I hate my job, but it is comfortable and I feel like I will
never get a vet nursing job, because I have never had a full nursing job before
and I no longer have half the skills required, and no one wants to take on a
nurse who needs retraining in some areas. And I feel like I am crap at the job
so it is easier to stay in a job I am good at that I don’t give a fuck about,
rather than risk failing at something I want.
I think I am scared of going to Canada because it means so
much to me, and I keep sabotaging my own saving efforts, because I don’t think
I can hack it.
I feel like I have to be the one to initiate hanging out
with friends a majority of the time, and then that they only spend time with me
because I badger them into it. I think this is why I don’t have many friends
anymore – is because I am so sure they are happy to be without me that I stop
putting much effort in. They also don’t put in the effort but I know I am
mostly to blame.
I want to get fitter and stronger, not just to lose weight,
but to feel like I would do better at vet nursing or zoo jobs, but I am so
convinced that I am shit at it that I give up in that area too.
I thought I was doing better. Some days I am.
I have a vet nursing interview next week. I almost want to
cancel since I am sure I won’t get it anyway that I don’t see what the point
is. How can I work in a teaching hospital if I need to be taught myself?
