I talked to my "adopted" mum the day before my birthday, for a long overdue, but very quick, catch-up. She asked how I was doing and I said I was okay, which I was, and am. But it was a nice realisation to discover that I actually was ok. Sure I still have down days (as everyone does), and very down days, but it was a nice surprise to realise I haven't felt depressed in a wee while.
A few months back I did consider going back on anti-depressants because I felt like a failure at life (happens every so often), but I hate how they make me feel after a while. Band-aids can be helpful, but don't heal the wound underneath so efficiently.
At the moment, I do feel lost. I love the city I live in, but it is lonely and I don't really know anyone down here anymore outside of the work friends I have. My other friends that I had last time have either left the city, had a family (babies are cute but they tend to monopolise their parents' time somewhat), or it turns out they were all my exes friends who aren't so stoked that I broke up with him and whatnot. I am very comfortable with my own company, and often prefer it, but I end up just getting wrapped up inside my own head if I'm alone too long, which isn't generally a good thing for me.
I want to travel and see the world. But I also want to be around the people I love, and who love me, and to kind of settle myself down a bit.
I said in my last post that I wasn't stressing about it - and I'm still not. I'm going to apply for a job I used to have back in my "home" town. And while I'm aware that Palmy won't always be as fun as it was on my birthday, it still gives me more options of people to hang out with. And Wellington is still nice and close. If nothing else, this job will give me some more breathing room, and probably a chance to save a bit more money since it is generally cheaper to live there than Wellington. It does feel a little bit like going backwards, but it's not the worst job in the world. It's not even in the worst 3 jobs I've ever worked so that's something!
Sometimes going back to your roots to recharge and refresh is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend sitting down and writing what the 3 most important things are to you, although you have stipulated them in your blog already (friends, saving money, settling down/roots). Then when you question when you are palmy why you are there or get itchy feet, you can pull it out and remember why. Also saving money means you can travel and visit friends overseas (like me!)
I commend you for making this hard decision! xx
Well, I have to get the job first :P
DeleteThanks. Yeah part of me wants to do stuff like go to Japan and teach english, or go work in Canada for a year, but maybe I just want a life where I can save money and then go to these places for holidays...? I dont even know :) But I do hate feeling so unsettled all the time. I just wish there was a zoo in Palmy :)