I awoke only to find my lungs empty

On Monday, I was woken up by a particularly horrible dream. My dad's colleague had come to my house to tell my that Dad had had a heart attack. In the dream, I actually fell down in tears. The colleague told me that he wouldn't carry on telling me anything unless I blew my nose and calmed down (WTF?), and then said it was a result of Dad not looking after himself properly, and that that was easier for him than dealing with everything.

Amazingly, when I woke up, I wasn't in tears, nor did I cry, which is usual for me and how I've woken up every time I've had a similarly themed dream in the past. Instead, I felt physically nauseous. And this lasted for most of the day.

It's taken until today for me to conclude that this dream was a lot more about myself than him. I mean, part of me recognised that if this actually happened, I'd be lost. I rely on my Dad a lot, as well as him being the most important person in the world to me.

But this morning, I realised that this could be me. I'm not really looking after myself (possibly because it's just easier not to - at least in my current frame of mind), and if I carry on something bad will happen to me. After witnessing a friend/colleague after she lost her (21 yr old) daughter a few years ago, and how awful that was for her, I would never wish for a parent to have to bury their child. It's too horrible to even contemplate. Aside from anything else, I don't want to cause my Dad that much pain.