All my life I've been searching for something

So I had a thought earlier this week after going to a rodeo on the weekend. There was a kid sitting next to me, who might have been about 10(ish) years old (I'm pretty crap at determining ages). He went off to get some food, and came big with a giant can of energy drink. My initial thought was "What the hell is a kid doing drinking that?" (caffeine, sugar, etc), and then I thought "What kind of parent lets their kid drink that?". Is it really any different than drinking an ordinary soft drink (except these kids were already super annoying, so I can't imagine that much extra energy would help...).

When I think back to being a teenager, there was always coke (the cola, not the white powder) in the fridge, and pies in the freezer. These were kind of my default 'after-school' snacks. I don't remember if I used to eat breakfast (if I did, it was probably just toast and marmite or peanut butter, or a muesli bar on the way to school). Growing up (primary school), Dad used to make us sandwiches to take to school, along with the little bags of potato chips and a muesli bar or similar. Once at high school, it was the chippies, muesli bars, sometimes sandwiches (making them ourselves now though I think), or else just having cash and buying a cookie time cookie, or a pie, or a lasagne square at the school cafe was the norm. Dinner was usually home cooked - meat and 2 veg kind of meals - and eaten at the table, and almost always followed up by eating chocolate biscuits on the couch while watching TV. Maybe some more coke. Friday nights were takeaways - fish and chips and then sometimes McDonald's when that arrived in our little town.

Mum attempted suicide when I was 14, so in my 2nd year of high school. At this point, Dad spent less time at home, coming home later (don't blame him, I tried staying away from home longer after school too to avoid going home to mum). I remember turning to food for comfort when I got home, and then locking myself away in my room and reading or creating an imaginary life in my head that didn't suck as much as the real thing. This is around the time I started to put on weight I think. I was a bit chubby, and got teased already (the joy of teenagers' cruelty).

Anyway, so I was thinking the other day that maybe I need to try to 'mother' myself a bit.  I need to treat myself as I plan on treating my kids when/if I have any. Cook them (me) breakfast, pack lunches, good dinners, no junk food, active lifestyle, etc. The things i would like to have in place, and have as a good example for any children. This is easier thought/said than done, but I think this could work. I missed this growing up (I mean, Dad was great but he wasn't the 'at-home' parent, and even now he still has his own issues - like eating a whole block of chocolate in one sitting). Before I eat something, or when buying food, thinking about whether I would like to let my kids eat that, or drink that, or whatever.