Im gonna pick up the pieces...

In just under 3 months I will turn 30. Eeek.
I don't think its the number thats freaking me out so much. Okay that might be a blantant lie. 30 sounds a little old. It sounds like I should be a grown up and have my life sorted, and be settled down with a husband and kids and a house and all that stuff. Not because society says so (because they sort of do, but that is changing) but because I always thought that I would be there by now.

Instead, I am single, have 3 qualifications (2 of which are in related industries), a cat, no money, and no real idea of what I want to do or be or who I am.

So I need to take stock of my life so far.

Over the past decade I have:

- lived in Auckland for 3 years, loved and lost my first "boyfriend", and still managed to push through and complete a 3 year Bachelors degree, got drunk a lot (hello tequila and lemonade!), smoked too much, did regrettable (not really) things in a pub, got piercings and tattoos, and made some awesome friends and a fabulous bestie

- moved back to Palmy, found a job, made some new friends (some of whom I am still close to), flatted with one of those friends and had the most fun (and drunk) times, discovered more great music and made awesome memories, got my restricted licence, and fell for guys that I shouldn't have (pretty boys with long hair are a weakness)

- went overseas, lived in Ireland by myself for a year, managed to find work and places to live, made some friends (noone that Im terribly close to, and don't really stay in touch with, except for one person that I now work with), tried to figure out what I would do when I came back home, travelled around some, went to awesome concerts, and fell for another pretty boy with long hair (note: not a good idea to fall for guys in another country, because they tend to stay there when you leave)

- came back to Palmy, got a job straight away, made some awesome friends there, researched courses I could do since office jobs no longer really appealed (I had it narrowed down to vet nursing or primary school teaching), moved into a new flat, met my second bestie, got a kitten, started going to counselling (possibly about 10 years later than I should have, but better late than never), started meeting/dating guys online (could also be known as the start of the 'WTF was I thinking?' phase of men in my life), joined a weight loss centre, lost about 16kgs (which I then gained back, plus interest), got my full licence, and a bit of a strained relationship with Dad due to his horrific taste in women (well, just the one really)

- chose Vet Nursing, so spent 2 years studying, combination of flatting or living with Dad (once he had broken up with said horrific woman, and then our relationship got awesome again), did a bit more counselling, met more amazing people (still close to about half), continued with terrible men (I think it was only 3 all up, but all pretty awful), got a job in a supermarket (increased my hatred of people...), weight stayed about the same (exercised quite a bit and course was pretty physical, but my eating went in waves of good and crap), serious depression episode which resulted in my first experience with anti-depressants (and learning not to go off them just because you are starting to feel better) joined another weight loss centre/club/regime, and started getting more comfortable with my own feelings

- finished course, moved to Wellington to an office job (would've taken any job at that stage), moved in with someone I knew through a friend that I had met a few times (who then turned into another very close friend), lost a bit more weight, met a guy (online again) who then turned into my first serious relationship (lasted just under 2 years), moved in with him, gained all my weight back (plus, interest again), got a vet nursing job which I loved, met some awesome people through work, started losing weight again, gained it back again, did some more counselling, self-esteem increased and decreased in waves, on and off anti-depressants again, realising that I expect too much of my friends simply because I would do anything for them and that isn't always returned (and maybe its unrealistic to think it would be...), choosing my own happiness above someone else's (and ending the 2yr relationship), deciding to do a different course (zookeeping), and making the decision to move back up to Auckland

- moved to Auckland to do the course, found a flat, did a telemarketing job (never again), met another guy online (also a wanker, possibly ending my online trials altogether), got viral meningitis (hopefully also never again) and had my first stay(s) in hospital, another vet nursing job, met cool people through the course and work, loved Auckland Zoo, did some more counselling (best one yet), felt fairly miserable and lonely (and although its easy to blame this on Auckland, realising it was more to do with me and not just location), got to spend time with my bestie up there, and then decided to move back down closer to friends and family once the course was over (and there were no jobs going at the zoo)

- back in Wellington, in an office job short-term (another 5 months), feeling lonely and miserable half of the time, regular trips back up to Foxton/Palmy to spend time with friends and my dad definitely helps, realising Im in love with a friend of mine (out of my league, 95% sure he does not feel the same), wanting to sort my shit out before I enter the next decade

So I have done a lot, accomplished some things, and closer to figuring out what I do and don't want out of life. My goal is to lose a bit of weight (get out of the triple digits and stay out of there forever more) and sort my head out a bit more, over the next couple of months so I start my next decade in a healthier place physically and mentally.