There's obviously a part of my brain that wants to stay as I am - fat, unhealthy and unhappy. That part that sabotages all my efforts. That convinces myself that I must have a burger, or coke, or chips.
Overcoming my internal bitch is hard. I'm getting better at going to the gym despite all her excuses, but it's the food side that I really struggle with. Which, unfortunately, is 80% of the battle.
Logically, it doesn't make sense. I have even made a couple of pro/con lists for losing weight, so that I have evidence of it being the best thing to do. And yet that side of me wants to hold on to it. Maybe there's a safety in being overweight. I know it puts guys off, and despite wanting a relationship, at least this way I don't get hurt because no one gets close enough in the first place. Same with attempting new things - I can blame being shit at an activity on my size, and as a good reason not to try it in the first place.
But in every other way, it hurts. Physically, mentally, emotionally. So I have to work on proving to myself that life will be so much better, and knocking my internal demon off her high horse...
What is on your pro list for being overweight? Identifying them is good, working through them will take most of the struggle out of getting healthy.
ReplyDeleteIt's "easy" (not physically, but in terms of not having to put any work into it), I can eat whatever I want, it's "safe" (for the reasons mentioned above in ze blog (and I'm worried that when I do lose weight, I will still be crap at stuff but have nothing to blame it on except myself, and that if people still aren't interested in me then it will to do with my personality rather than my size and that scares the crap out of me)
ReplyDeleteThe cons do very much outweigh the pros, but then I guess those Pros aren't the easiest things to overcome.
Yeah, I know what you mean about "easy". Changing your default behaviour when you're tired from "takeaways" to "easy homecooked meal" is ridiculously hard, let alone changing from "faff around on computer" to "get off my arse and do something active".
ReplyDeleteHave you had much success with affirmations? Maybe come up with some positive statements that counter your Pro list, and work on one at a time and chip away at those beliefs?